The Top Five Most Annoying Online People and ways of coping The Top Five Most Annoying Online People and ways of coping “

1.)  The Twelve/thirteen year old

Now don’t get me wrong I was twelve once and so I know what it feels like to all of a sudden have one minute pubic hair on my underdeveloped penis and think I’m now invincible! However when I was twelve there was no way I could share and discuss my ideas through a microphone on Xbox live! There was no way for me to yell phrases like “YA MUM” “Fuck You Im actually 16 ya faggot” or the classic “Just because you’re a fat nerd at home with no girlfriend!” Yes as you can see all of a sudden the scrawniest white ginger twelve year old, probably named Clarence is all of a sudden a bad ass because his mum buys him Xbox live. The good thing is intelligent and articulated gamers like you and me : P can rise above his hormones in ways that will punish him and make us feel slightly higher up the social chain than normal.

Solution One: Constantly Team kill him

This one works well….very well as the video below will demonstrate

(The greatest freakout STOP BETRAYING ME!!)

  

Solution Two: Report him to xbox live for his offensive language and have him banned for a few days (so you can enjoy Battlefield 3 the way it’s meant to be played using teamwork and co-ordination)

2.) The CUNT that plays music in the pre-game lobby

FUCKEN FUCK sorry this one really grinds my gears!!!!! Are you that much of a cock to think that everyone wants to hear your obnoxious crap drum and bass (rap/metal are just as bad). Just because you are a failed musician who works at some seedy inner city stereo store does not give you right to rape my ears with your garbage!!!

Solution One: A Party invite with a twist!!!

Invite the man to the party (ohh yeah PlayStation and Wii……ahh yeah I guess you could chat with him on Skype?) And then proceed to make the most annoying sound in the world through the microphone, so his ears understand what mine have just been through! Alternatively if he was listening to Rap you could pretend to be a local hood rat and threaten to roll by his pad! (Nobody says drive by anymore! That’s so 90s)

Solution Two: Unplug your microphone (but that would be too sensible : P)

3.) The Noobs

You know who I’m talking about he’s the guy that tries to disarm a bomb on search and destroy that YOU’VE JUST PLANTED!!!! Or he’s the guy that joins halfway through a game of left 4 dead and runs off by himself! You get the picture, and I understand that we were all noobs at one point, but seriously cant there be a place for these people to learn how to play before jumping in the deep end of actual live/PSN/ Nintendo Wi-Fi????

Solution: My first Online Experience playlist

You know when you have children and you get them there first tea set, pony or whatever. We could have a playlist called “my first deathmatch” it would be great they could sit there and no one would win, they would all sit around team killing each other and talk about kinects, moves and iCasuals or whatever noobs talk about.

4.) The Veteran (aka the guy who’s the top rank in every game)

 Now I know we all like to be the best in our respective games, and that’s fine within a close circle of friends it provides friendly and rewarding competition. However in every game there is always that one guy who lives in his mum’s basement that takes it way too far. He’s the guy that prestige’s in call of duty on the first day; he has Doritos encrusted with sperm stuck to his smelly sweaty shirt that his mum only gets to wash every six months. This man child is hard core and nothing is stopping him from achieving 1^st in the global leaderboards not even his compulsion to have hourly masturbation breaks on porn hub!

Solution: Steal Host

Stealing host can be an effective way of evening the odds giving him the dreaded red connection! Watch as his highly accurate DMR or sniper shots turn to sporadic fire while you can just casually spray machine gun fire and come out on top every time!

This final one is highly specific and is very personal to me so sorry if this one doesn’t make sense

5.) CUNTS WHO PICK ZANGIEF ON STREET FIGHTER IV AND SPAM LB (aka the double lariat)

There have been so many times I have lost on Street Fighter IV because some MORON FUCK STAIN figures out that all he needs to win is press LB with zangief! I know you must be thinking ohh stop whining it means your obviously need some practice, (and yeah I guess a little bit of practice never hurt anyone: P) but oh no once I re challenged a Zangief cunt to match without zangief and I continually raped him for about five fights before he quit!