“Playing The Games you know longer care about, 24/7 because you have access to a real vagina”
As some of you may know I may be slightly bias towards motion controls : P So to be honest with you, my one reader….. I was a bit nervous when I purchased skyward sword, I was thinking “ At the very least I’m supporting GOOD Nintendo games unlike that atrocious Wii Music or Nintendogs!!!! GRRR” But to my great surprise the motion controls work exceptionally well and the only reasons why I died every single DAMN time I encountered a new enemy/boss(which I would like to note has never happened to me in a Zelda game before!!) is like most gamers I’ve spent my years as a gamer sprawled on a couch covered in chips pressing A to swing a sword, and have not spent years learning how to block and parry using an actual sword. This is the first and personally hardest barrier into playing skyward sword, when you get it right however the hours of profanities yelled at the TV seem to disappear and feelings of elation come over as you officially bet a stalfos with actual swordsman skills and not by spamming A (By the way if you don’t know what a stalfos is then you probably shouldn’t be reading this, you know I’ll wait while you leave….Casual). So to summarize the motion controls they work brilliantly, and if you put the effort in and actually think about how you might use a sword in real life success will probably be no more than 3 deaths away!!Once more they really show the potential of motion plus after 2 years from its initial release another great business decision from Nintendo there : )
The next thing after the controls you may focus upon is the overall presentation and the aesthetics of the game, the game has some beautiful cell shaded graphics which are aesthetically pleasing. However as I was playing through skyward sword I was right next to my little brother who was playing skyrim and you just sit there shed a little tear and wonder why on earth can’t I have an HD Link looking all hot in his Kokiri Tunic, the sweat dripping from his brow as he fights to protect the creatures hyrule (Oh I’ve got a raging nerd boner right now excuse me….) Instead I have some 480p imposter! Apart from that the menu/interface design is great and the new pouch system allows one to easily change items in the heat of battle which is a very welcome to change to the Zelda’s of old.
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| Yay 480p!!! |
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| 1080p MothaFucker! One of the most drastic departures from a traditional Zelda formula is the development of characters. First and foremost is the relationship of Link to Zelda in skyward sword they are childhood friends and have developed a very close and personal relationship, with all the sexual innuendo and tension that goes along with it. You can see that Link really cares about Zelda this time she’s not just some babe telling him to save her kingdom so he can get a quickie in the castle bog! She’s the love of his life the whole reason he embarks on this insane quest is to get her back so she can pop a few sprites out and live happy ever after. There are some actually touching moments between the two and though they are as cliché as JRPG big breasted girl dying they are by no means not poignant. Nintendo have really done well developing other characters such as Links initial rival for Zelda’s heart Grouse he has a great character arc which turns him into the lovable idiot that in the end manages to actually be helpful. Links faithful bird is another great character that you really begin to feel an emotional connection to. Ghirahim the antagonist throughout most of the game appears to be designed by someone working at sqauresoft in the 90s but with an emo fringe and is unfortunately really one of the poorer character designs in this game. The final character worth mentioning is Links most annoying helper yup even more annoying than navi is Fi! Fi is probably based on what Nintendo think an internet troll is, with such annoying phrases as “Master did you know you are low on hearts?” with my usual response being “what the fuck do you think bitch!” Or something along those lines : p As with every Zelda game the music is great and adds to the overall experience with some notable tunes being the sky exploration theme, which is just as memorable as the over world theme of old. Grouses theme is the classic comedic character theme. Finally the very touching rendition of Zelda’s lullaby which made by body go into a warm gooey nostalgia like state. Grooses Theme Zeldas Lullaby The last point I wish to make is skyward sword does a really great job of adding to the Zelda lore with its simple yet elegant explanation for the origin of skyloft and the master sword, and the connection between the triforce, link, Zelda and the gods. So internet dweeb is skyward sword for me??? If you are hungry to understand more of the Zelda lore, you have a spare 40 hours and don’t mind learning basic sword techniques then this game is for you : ) Skyward sword in the end to me was an absolute must I went in not expecting much and what I got was an absolute treat, I promise to never doubt you again Miyamoto and Aonuma MAX RESPECT HOMIES. 8/10 A great game anyway you Slice it!!! Fuck you internet Im not going to waste my A game on you anymore!! |
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