As you have probably noticed the piece on chrono trigger is slightly broken so here is hopefully the full text with out the crazy white lines!!! Stupid internet its just biased against niche indie games like chrono trigger
Chrono Trigger 3 Time Ticks On
As my few friends know I am obsessed with a little niche game called Chrono Trigger it stands above all other games I’ve played in my life as number one, yes even above the calls of duty! To make this title all Nintendo would need to do is bring together the original dream team of Akirya Toriyama (Artist/Creator of the dragon ball universe), Hironobu Sakaguchi (creator of the final fantasy series) and Yuji Horii (artist/designer involved with the dragon quest series). Lock these amazing human beings in a small room along with miyamoto to add a pinch of his magic pixie dust and BAM! My childroom dream is reality and you have secured one crazed skinny white boy come release night.
As my few friends know I am obsessed with a little niche game called Chrono Trigger it stands above all other games I’ve played in my life as number one, yes even above the calls of duty! To make this title all Nintendo would need to do is bring together the original dream team of Akirya Toriyama (Artist/Creator of the dragon ball universe), Hironobu Sakaguchi (Creator of the final fantasy series) and Yūji Horii (Artist/Designer involved with the dragon quest series). Lock these amazing gentlemanin a small room along with Miyamoto to add a little of his magic pixie dust and BAM my childhood dream is done and you have secured that one crazed skinny white man will line up for days to get a Wii U on release day.
Real Professional Ben
Metal Gear Solid 5 Snakes Alive!!!
Metal gear is not only one of the best game series it is also unfortunately one of the most confusing. So to make this game happen would be relatively easy all we would need to do is spike Kojimas drink with acid and then he can sort out the plot holes created by this fifth game at a later date. You know let’s say 4 games down the track :p......(If no one else gets this joke I’m going to cut my Jacobs off!) In all seriousness metal gear has always been known for its depictions of society through various perspectives whether it’s the cold war or the not too distant future so how about a metal gear game that deals with the official origin of the patriots or how snake is going to survive in a retirement village!
Metroid HD
2D games can still generate large sacs of gold in this day in age of aiming down sights and internets and no game suits the 2D plane more than Metroid. Don’t get me wrong I am a huge fan of the prime series but let’s get back to the series roots how about a Metroid game where samus goes rogue and traverses the galaxy destroying every single last space pirate ship until she can finally have a Wii rest and put her feet up knowing that Ridley is SERIOUSLY not coming back this time! Metroid Fusion proved that being on a lone ship can be still be claustrophobic and scary for Ms. Aran and to be honest I wouldn’t mind seeing samus in her zero suit in 1080p……. P.S Have Kenji Yamamoto whip another great soundtrack for this title and that’s a guaranteed winner!
So Basically this Nintendo
Nintendo Classics Collection HD
This concept has worked well for other companies in the past such as Namco and Sega so imagine a company such as Nintendo with an entire massive library of classic games just waiting to be updated with leaderboards, commentaries, original soundtracks plus some form of achievements and online play!!! The nerdgasms that would be had over this announcement would be phenomenal.
Super Mario Universe HD Land
I know this one’s a bit of a cop out but if you look to some of Nintendo’s past systems such as the NES, SNES and the N64 all launched with a Mario game, barring the exception of the original Mario Bros are all amazing games that still hold up today, Mario is one plumber that I can’t wait to see in HD and I know thousands of you out there would agree!
Pwetty Pwease Mr. Nintendo
BONUS
Nintendo Network Live
To be honest a bought a Wii that’s how much of a Nintendo fanboy I am. So basically to sum it up I paid $400 for a GameCube that’s controlled with a dildo! So if Nintendo gets anything right next generation please please let it be the internets. With the 3DS Nintendo have proven that they at least know what the internets are so that’s a good start. It’s not that hard get rid of the friend codes, copy the party system of xbox live and integrate the Wii U with other Nintendo devices such as the 3DS and you’ll be on the road to understanding the internets and life in the 21st century.
Arr what the hell at the end of the day regardless how much Nintendo possibly screw up the Wii U I can probably guarantee this whitey will be lining up outside come the end of this year.
“Playing The Games you know longer care about, 24/7 because you have access to a real vagina”
As some of you may know I may be slightly bias towards motion controls : P So to be honest with you, my one reader….. I was a bit nervous when I purchased skyward sword, I was thinking “ At the very least I’m supporting GOOD Nintendo games unlike that atrocious Wii Music or Nintendogs!!!! GRRR” But to my great surprise the motion controls work exceptionally well and the only reasons why I died every single DAMN time I encountered a new enemy/boss(which I would like to note has never happened to me in a Zelda game before!!) is like most gamers I’ve spent my years as a gamer sprawled on a couch covered in chips pressing A to swing a sword, and have not spent years learning how to block and parry using an actual sword. This is the first and personally hardest barrier into playing skyward sword, when you get it right however the hours of profanities yelled at the TV seem to disappear and feelings of elation come over as you officially bet a stalfos with actual swordsman skills and not by spamming A (By the way if you don’t know what a stalfos is then you probably shouldn’t be reading this, you know I’ll wait while you leave….Casual). So to summarize the motion controls they work brilliantly, and if you put the effort in and actually think about how you might use a sword in real life success will probably be no more than 3 deaths away!!Once more they really show the potential of motion plus after 2 years from its initial release another great business decision from Nintendo there : )
The next thing after the controls you may focus upon is the overall presentation and the aesthetics of the game, the game has some beautiful cell shaded graphics which are aesthetically pleasing. However as I was playing through skyward sword I was right next to my little brother who was playing skyrim and you just sit there shed a little tear and wonder why on earth can’t I have an HD Link looking all hot in his Kokiri Tunic, the sweat dripping from his brow as he fights to protect the creatures hyrule (Oh I’ve got a raging nerd boner right now excuse me….) Instead I have some 480p imposter! Apart from that the menu/interface design is great and the new pouch system allows one to easily change items in the heat of battle which is a very welcome to change to the Zelda’s of old.
Yay 480p!!!
1080p MothaFucker!
One of the most drastic departures from a traditional Zelda formula is the development of characters. First and foremost is the relationship of Link to Zelda in skyward sword they are childhood friends and have developed a very close and personal relationship, with all the sexual innuendo and tension that goes along with it. You can see that Link really cares about Zelda this time she’s not just some babe telling him to save her kingdom so he can get a quickie in the castle bog! She’s the love of his life the whole reason he embarks on this insane quest is to get her back so she can pop a few sprites out and live happy ever after. There are some actually touching moments between the two and though they are as cliché as JRPG big breasted girl dying they are by no means not poignant. Nintendo have really done well developing other characters such as Links initial rival for Zelda’s heart Grouse he has a great character arc which turns him into the lovable idiot that in the end manages to actually be helpful. Links faithful bird is another great character that you really begin to feel an emotional connection to. Ghirahim the antagonist throughout most of the game appears to be designed by someone working at sqauresoft in the 90s but with an emo fringe and is unfortunately really one of the poorer character designs in this game.
The final character worth mentioning is Links most annoying helper yup even more annoying than navi is Fi! Fi is probably based on what Nintendo think an internet troll is, with such annoying phrases as “Master did you know you are low on hearts?” with my usual response being “what the fuck do you think bitch!” Or something along those lines : p
As with every Zelda game the music is great and adds to the overall experience with some notable tunes being the sky exploration theme, which is just as memorable as the over world theme of old. Grouses theme is the classic comedic character theme. Finally the very touching rendition of Zelda’s lullaby which made by body go into a warm gooey nostalgia like state.
The last point I wish to make is skyward sword does a really great job of adding to the Zelda lore with its simple yet elegant explanation for the origin of skyloft and the master sword, and the connection between the triforce, link, Zelda and the gods.
So internet dweeb is skyward sword for me???
If you are hungry to understand more of the Zelda lore, you have a spare 40 hours and don’t mind learning basic sword techniques then this game is for you : )
Skyward sword in the end to me was an absolute must I went in not expecting much and what I got was an absolute treat, I promise to never doubt you again Miyamoto and Aonuma MAX RESPECT HOMIES.
8/10 A great game anyway you Slice it!!! Fuck you internet Im not going to waste my A game on you anymore!!
To the average iphone/kinect casual video game music is a series of bleeps and bloops from that super Nintendo Atari, and yes most of the music from that 8 bit era is a series of bloody awesome bleeps and bloops (no bias here) but video game music has evolved so much from its primordial birth place. When I think about some of the happiest/saddest moments in gaming it isn't the sprite or the mass of polygons I remember, Instead I remember the music. Whether its the end of Chrono Trigger or the credits of Metal Gear Solid these songs touch me on a very personal level and will be with me far longer than any cliché JRPG dialogue.
So with that pathetic show of emotion its time to get on with the show. In this article I want to highlight some awesome game songs that if you played to the cute hipster chick your trying to bang she be like " oh wow that band is so like awesome and underground I cant wait to tell my friends how corporate they are" (hehehe your listening to game music and your a girl hehehehe)
Ridge Racer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(I'm sorry I'm that guy on forums who always use old internet memes)
Yes I know ridge racer is more plastic than an american cheeseburger, and as a tacky as any strip clubs carpet but damn its music is amazing!!! This first track is from ridge racer type 4 called pearl blue soul, and to me embodies driving at night casually passing all the other noob NPC drivers, drifting around hairpins at speeds close to 200mph! (I love ridge racer physics).
This next track comes from ridge racer V and I'm sorry I actually don't what its called but its basically the main theme of the game and my god it is a treat! This game was one of the sole reasons I forked out for a PS2 I spent hours just sitting there listening to this song, I mean in those days there was nothing to do apart from play games and imagine what real boobies felt like!!
These days often video game composers try and copy Hollywood and go for an atmospheric score that suits the game well but it aint the kind of music you hum in bed at 3 am. Assassins creed bucks the trend though with some amazing music that on the surface may seem atmospheric but if you dig a little deeper you can find some nice melodies. This track is called Ezios family and it is one of the most melancholic songs I've ever heard
To say this game changed how I viewed the world is the one of the grossest understatements up there! This change to my core being over course was helped by the great story and characters of the game, but this song The Best Is Yet To Come is what hit me out of the ball park! It makes me almost tear up every time I hear it and is one of the most beautiful pieces of music ever created.
Before I introduce this next song lets put some premise in, you have just fought through an entire Russian army bunker single handedly at the same time diffusing nuclear missiles, and when you finally get to the roof this song Base Tower starts blasting through the TV and next minute you are fighting a Hind D with an M16!!!
This is but a small slither of the great music that video games contain so next time you play one of your super nintendo UMD cartridges take a break and have a listen to the music I promise you wont be disappointed, unless your playing something like just dance 3!!!
P.S
heres a few tracks that I forgot that you might like ENJOY!!
I am currently playing through super Metroid for the second time in my life, the last time I played I could
barely spell my own name, I looked to older cousins and Nintendo power for comforting advice on how to proceed through its plethora of chambers and absurdly unclear secret chambers to me It will always hold a special place in my heart, maybe its the fact that I still cant to this day play at night without the lights on, or maybe its the way I cuss worse than sailor with a peg leg when I get lost in Maridia.
Context
Super Metroid was quite literally a game changer, it came out near the end of Super Nintendo's life while most consoles go to a die a terrible death by shovelware, you know the crap I'm talking about... games like Imagine That: Housewives or My horse and me 3 the sissy saddle sisters ride again or whatever. Super Metroid rose above that, it was and is a perfect mixture of combat, platforming and exploration, and whose formula was copied several times by big franchises (Castlevania anyone?).(note I am playing the Wii VC version not the original cartridge, which I sadly do not own any more )
The Krux
The game sees the return of Samus Aran who has just returned from the Metroid home planet (if you dont what a Metroid is then maybe you should stop reading and jump of a cliff or go be a crash test dummy or whatever they use morons for these days) she returns to Ceres space station with with a lone Metroid creature that she gives to scientists to study, (BIG SUPRISE HERE) everything turns to shit when the Metroid is stolen by the space pirates leader (Ridley) Samus then chases Ridley back to Zebes (the planet from the metroid 1) to finally settle the score.....
Ceres Comes under Fire
Gameplay wise the controls are solid and translate well to a gamecube controller/classic controller the only real problem is wall jumping is a bit harder now with an analog stick, which is more than likely to be down to my rustiness in the games of old (someones been playing a little to much CoD : P).
The graphics look as pretty today as they did in 1994, and with a great soundtrack it all makes for a great gaming experience. I would recommend this game to people a fan of games such as zelda, contra, Catlevania symphony of the night (which is super Metroid with vampires!) mass effect 2 etc games that are not really linear, explore at your own pace, with tight controls etc also it has a far more adult premise than most Nintendo games I wont spoil the ending( : p) but it is a really early example of the ability of video games to be a story telling medium and to tug on a few heart strings.
And for those people reading who can only deal with numbers I BORON BEN give super Metroid a 12/12 SNES controllers, a great game in 1994 and still a great game now in 2011 if you have a Wii and havent downloaded it yet, hang on my Gestapo crew oops I mean re-eduction advisor's will be over soon to transport you to our happy camps where you will learn all about why the SNES is awesome.
Finally If your not convinced the intro to the game is below, If your not impressed then get back to your kinect casual I can hear it calling your name!!!
Greetings no one, I'm sick of talking to myself about old games so I've decided to expand my rants to the internet, there will be a lot of nonsensical opinons that will appear in this blog, there will be reviews, features etc and as a heads up it should be taken light hardly ENJOY!!!
