Next Xbox predictions

Its that time again where all us console kids get excited! the launch of the "next generation" (technically the next generation has been here since November last year, remember that Wii U thing X P ) consoles is soon fast approaching. Tomorow at 5am New Zealand time (yes I will be the single person from my country watching) Microsoft will unveil what there calling the "new generation" (what that actually means is anybodies guess) therefore I ragingoldgamer have pulled together my immeasurable knowledge and a bit of basic sleuthing (Google search : "what is new xbox having") to give you all the inside scoop, enjoy!

Reveal/Gameplay of Call of Duty: Ghosts

Well Im kinda pissed that this one already leaked (thanks a lot infinity ward!) but we all knew this was coming. This was a no brainer as for the past few years Activision have used Microsoft conferences to parade the latest installment in the COD machine which we all know is the greatest thing since quick scoping.

Also I'm sorry to go off topic here but the catch phrase for COD:Ghosts is so fucken stupid "the ghosts are real" who the FUCK thought that one up! It sounds like a catchphrase that a small retarded chilld gang would make, either that or one the tunnel snakes X P

Halo 5 in some shape/form

Halo is Xbox quite frankly.Without Bungies console defining shooter way back in the day the Xbox would  have probably just been a bad taste in everyone's mouth, similar to that Wii U thing : P (jokes I lovez ma wii U I just want some GOD DAMN GAMES!!!) So when Microsoft plan to unveil there new shinny expensive box there's no way that they wouldn't parade there star diva, whether it be a horrible out of context screen shot or just some guy name dropping, it will be there.

Social Networking/Streaming Services

Sony spent quite a significant time on the whole sharing and streaming back in February's PS4 reveal for good reasons. Over the last few streaming services like twitch TV have exploded with its profound ability to turn the average gamer into a celebrity overnight (granted most of the time it’s just fucken twats showing us there bullshit DOTA, COD, BF or obscure JRPGs with “engaging commentary”) the platform that has these services readily accessable will no doubt take the lead early, as the internet will be swarmed with even more "lets play" BS.

(Remember that Microsoft have been making deals with twitch TV over the last few months, hell the stream for the DAMN conference is on twitch tv! So yeah you do the math : P )

Bullshit Kinect 2 Thingy 

Trust me Kinect much like herpes doesn't die, it just festers and pops out every few months to say "Hi" and forever stain the general reputation of gaming as a credible and enjoyable medium. Well get all the same promises as we did when the original Kinect was unveiled, however I for one am hoping for some more coins this time!! 

Its a Media Hub DERP!

Copy and paste E3s 2010, 2011, and 2012s speech DERP. ALSO A FUCKEN BLURAY PLAYER WOULD BE NICE!!!! Its 2013 there's no fucken excuse!

Forza, Gears of War 

Forza and Gears of War complete Microsoft’s  triforce of exclusives (as fucken sad as that sounds) if Xbox wants to really stand out from the competition it’s going to show; at the very least discuss how these franchises are going to make the next gen jump. Probably like halo we will get some CG trailer or some bald man will come and discuss why there important.

Third Party Support* (like the Wii U did)

Back in the old days of gaming third party exclusives were an important part of any consoles arsenal. Today the impact third parties have on consoles is slightly different with third parties typically having timed DLCs or extra wankery skin packs for your stupid virtual gun! No matter how stupid it actually appears the numbers dont lie, and expect Microsoft to fully parade as much support from developers like Activision, Ubisoft, EA etc.

However we all want me to come up with specifics right? So I'm going to guess the following.

Madden (wank with your friends)

EAs UFC thingy/game (wank with strangers)

Assassins Creed/Watch Dogs (wank with yourself)

Call of Duty DLC (timed exclusive)

* Note the Wii U didn't actually get any third party support : ( 

Graphixxxxxx!!!

Trust me Microsoft will be doing all it can to treat you to some visual pornography, textures and anti-aliasing as far as the eye can see! Its going to be fucken BONERIFIC!

Fun!

In all seriousness this is a happy time for all gamers, so as much as Ive come across as a cynical asshole I will bright eyed in PJs from 4:30am waiting for all the festivitves to kick off!

Thats it for now. (Il probably make a few more just before the conference got to do something to keep me awake at 4:50am : P) 

ENJOY GAMING!!!!!

So as most of you know by now I have undertaken a quest to finish every numbered Final Fantasy (MMOs excluded) in only a year. Therefore to celebrate this "lovely" occasion I decided we should start off the year with a special article.

  The Top Tips to beating Final Fantasy While Still Maintaining Some Sanity!

1.) Strategy aka use some intelligencez!

This one should be fairly obvious, but it needs to be stated! So rather than rattle on about the finer points of combat, magic use, and item management I thought it would be better/more entertaining If I just give you a sliver of my many many FUCK UPs . (I swear most of these were done when I was child......)

If one of your characters has auto reflect DO NOT cast Heal 3 (Curaga for young ones) on that character! This will heal the BOSS/monster you are fighting! This is usually followed by swearing (NB: If you want to be real technical if the boss also has auto reflect casting curaga on you will heal you!)

BUY 99 potions/ethers etc when going to for a large dungeon crawl. If not carried out, this one normally results in one being half way through a massive dungeon stuck, with only one option...walk three steps...save....walk three steps....save... until you get all the way back to town. Believe me this one can reduce a grown man to tears! (NB: This save/walk strategy only works for some games)

Generally Final Fantasy characters have specified roles (aka white mage, fighter etc) THIS IS FOR A REASON......SO YOU CAN BUILD A WELL ROUNDED PARTY! Do not try and turn magic users into fighters and vice versa. Develop your characters with some thought otherwise This WILL lead to cussing and crying : (

Fight strategically..i.e if your facing a fire based boss DO NOT cast Fire 3(Firaga). This WILL HEAL the boss, there has been many a time where I was not thinking about what spell I was casting and consequently fully healed a boss : (

2.) Sacrifice/Cut all social ties  (this include pesky friendly neighbourhood cats/ girls)

 As a warrior of light you have been fated to save the world from the ensnaring darkness. You don't have time to "hang" with REAL people or hit some NPC booty in town. Do not even get me started about how much time you are wasting by patting cute kitties X P

3.) Maximize your playing time
 The Final Fantasy games are well known for being time sinks (not as bad as some....DRAGON QUEST IX I am looking at you!) Therefore time management is absolutely essential to achieving your goals. A handy tip is consider playing the game on a portable device (where possible) PSP, PS Vita, GBA, DS, 3DS even iCasuals have the first four installments. Playing on a portable device allows you to get in a quick random encounter (called a Ranny in the business)during lunch, during bodily business, (wash your hands after K...please?) or whenever you think you've got a spare minute. Pesky family/friends want you to spend time with them? With a portable this is all possible!
P.S. Normally during portable play you are in company i.e. people who will judge you so keep Final Fantasy language e.g Fucken Sephiroth your just a cunt!/comments about sexy sprites to yourself)

4.) Enjoy Yourself
Finally this one is the most important! There is a reason why Final Fantasy is one of the most renowned series of all time. Over the last 25 years Final Fantasy has given us some of gamings most magical and beautiful worlds to explore and save, characters that stay embedded in your very psyche long after the cartridge/disc gets dusty.

A Few Thoughts on Final Fantasy VIII "All Eyes on Junctioning"

Final Fantasy VIII, like final fantasy II has always been the "Zelda II" of the series. You know a little bit helter skelter. Similar to that strange uncle everyone has, you one the one who thinks that apple is secretly controlled by the Chinese government and the iPhone is a device to spy on westerners, or something to that abode. Now now Squall fanboys before you limit break yourselves all over the comments section (please do hate traffic is still traffic : P) think carefully about the core concepts of VIII and how they compare to both past and present FFs.    

Junctioning

Take the junctioning system, the junctioning system has some good points, in the fact that it allows one to totally customize your play style. It allowed you to turn Zell into the fiercest spellcaster, or Rinoa into a brutish thug. However the junctioning system also had its flaws, it essentially replaced level grinding (a staple of the final fantasy series) with the ohh so lovable draw system. The draw system took the absolute worst component of level grinding (i.e physical time from our very short minuscule lives!) and then thought " I could make this experience even more monotonous". You see level grinding however tedious allows the player to see gradual steady improvement in the characters. Having trouble beating a boss? Go grind for an hour or so, come back and most of the time that boss will become as fumbling as Ultros! (Basically people who didn't play FF VI Ultros is like a comic relief character constantly failing even the most simple tasks in life) Yeah sure don't get me wrong  grinding can get pretty boring, but with the draw system the boredom is tripled! ( GET IT triple is like a spell in FF.....yeah......)

Ultros lol just google him he is the epitome of failure 

OK some of you may be wondering what the draw system is, and unlike 99.9999% of the internet I at least endeavor to back up bitching with actual knowledge and facts. The draw system in a nutshell is, every enemy you encounter in the game has a set of spells, you then use the draw command to take these spells from the enemy (FYI the amount of each spell you would get during a draw is random, however if your name happens to Ben then most of the time you only get 1 FUCKEN spell or the equally lovely DRAW FAILED!)and then junction them to your base stats to increase them. Now dear reader if you have ever even remotely touched a final fantasy game then you know HOW MANY GOD DAMN SPELL VARIATIONS THERE ARE! Imagine just for one second drawing out all the possible spell types and then junctioning them one by one to  see the effect of each! " OK here goes..." "Protect to strength, nope no effect" "Shell? Nope" "OK how about haste? " "FUCCCKKKK" (Several mind numbing hours later!)

There is also more bad news for the draw / junctioning system. The increase junctioning brings to the base stat is proportional to the amount of that spell, In other words the more you have of that particular spell the greater the increase in the base stat. The big consequence of this is that YOU the player would have to sit there in battle and draw out 100 of that spell just to insure the maximum base stat increase. Now with most of the average noob spells (Firaga, Blizzaga, Curaga, Shell  etc)  drawing up to 100 is not hard, just time consuming and about monotonous as playing dragon age! (jokes). However the real falcon punch to the ovaries/ testes comes when you try to get HARD/USEFUL spells like Meoteor, Quake, Demi, Death, Triple and my personal favourite Ultima. To get these all rare and illustrious spells you need a lot of lube (for the ammount anus torture that will be inflicted to your poor white bum), some luck, and access to two locations on the final fantasy VIII world map, the island closest to hell and the deep sea research center. FYI going to these two scary places will require great patience and a lot of man crying.
 So by the end all of this junctioning BS, you have figured out which spells go where and then  presented your findings in a simple colour coded flow chart ( which will roughly take 10 years of your poor life : P). FYI While you spent 10 years of your life mastering the draw/junction system here are some which you could have engaged in.
1.)  Completed 3 PhDs (roughly). 
2.) Played the rest of the Final Fantasy numbered series.
3.)  Yes maybe even settle down and find a nice lovely female to shack up with!

Story

The overall narrative flow and direction is another reason why FF VIII is the strange uncle of the series. Its not that the story as a whole is bad, but how the story is told. Ask any normal gamer to describe the story of FF VIII explicitly upon completion and I guarantee you, you will get a whole plethora of answers " A great love story" " Some german sounding sorcerer wants to become a god by kompressing time" "Seifer has a thing for older ladies" "Zell really likes hotdogs : P " " Irvine is just a sleazy pervert ". These explainations of the story (Which I gathered from a large sample base of just me at different times of the day) say more about ones emotional and psychological state rather than an ability to explain and grasp the overall narrative.

(So much so that one day there will be a mental health test based on your ability to explain the story of FF VIII, which I will explain the logistics of in another entry) This is in stark contrast to say FF VI, whose story is simple enough that even the biggest casual madden meathead could eloquently regale the tale, yet FF VI has enough meaty chunky padding to back up its simple underlying narrative than a BBW stripper (or suckling : P sorry personal joke). Not only is the overall narrative flow in VIII bad but when the tidbits of VIIIs convoluted story are actually dropped, they are dropped at the most inappropriate times! (There about appropriate as a casual convo on the pros and cons of 4chan yiffies at your girlfriends family reniunion/grandpas 99th birthday dinner table!). These tidbits of story also have no bearing/context on the current events and often when context is finally given its for an event that happened on the first FUCKEN disc!!

Music

Im sorry but this is the most awesome pic of Mr. Uematsu

Music in Final Fantasy to me has always stood out, there isn't a day in my life where I'm not humming some FF tune, be it "Kingdom Baron" or " Clash on the big bridge"  I cant get enough of the stuff! I actually firmly believe that with FF it is the music that delivers emotional gravity to the scenes. For example Aeriths death (FF VII)  without the music its not really sad at all its just a rectangle stabbing a triangle, but as soon as I hear that melancholic slow piano my eyes burst into a fit of sobbing and its what I still remember 15 years down the track, and most likely what Il remember 30 years down the track! So with such an epic name to live up to how does the FF VIII score compare? Overall I think the score of FF VIII holds up really well with a whole host of catchy and meaningful tunes such as "Man with the machine gun" "The extreme" "Maybe I'm a lion" "Ami" "Balamb garden" "Waltz for the moon" "Fisherman's horizon" . All these tracks and many more will have a permanent spot on my FF playlist for many years to come....others such as the poppy cliché "all eyes on me" not so much but yeah apart from that good work as always Mr. Uematsu.  I actually highly advise if you don't have a cool casual 60 hours to hunk into the actual game just acquire the soundtrack and read the story tab on the wiki page! (You may not understand every plot point but you ll be able to fool most hipsters : P)

Final Judgement

Now by the end of this you may think that I actually don't like FF VIII a hell of a lot but this is not the case. FF VIII is a lot of things, strange, quirky, but certainly not boring (unless your drawing   : P jokes). So if your sick of killing Russians  zombies, establishing a comm link, defending a location then be sure to check into FF VIII  I'm sure you wont be disapointed : p

Ragingoldgamer gives it a...... "Its quirky, its graphically challenged but give it a whirl "

P.S 

Biggest bitch is the camera angle and archaic controls HOLY SHIT! The amount of times I wrestled the camera (roughly 9999 : P ) was crazy

P.P.S 

Dont play it on a Vita, as to run away from a random battle in FF VIII was L2 and R2. On the Vita L2 and R2 is the rear touch pad, so to escape from a random battle you need to TOUCH and HOLD onto the rear touchpad for dear  life! Let me tell you that the rear touch pad in this instance is about as laggy and unresponsive as 56k modem loading 1080P youporn....I mean youtube : P yeah this little hummdigger caused several loud F BOMB drops. 

Final fantasy reviews written by a Madden player

Greetings internet today we have a guest writer on ragingoldgamer  IlliCIt BoYZZZ. IlliCIt BoYZZZ is here to celebrate the 25^th anniversary of final fantasy series (which is a sacred series all close to our collective gaming minds) with a little retrospective on the final fantasy games near and dear to his heart....so enjoy and let your mind return a far away kingdom...

 Whatzzz Up Playerzz this be IlliCIt BoYZZZ  final fantasy is my GaME of ChoICE WHNZ my peeps not being hustling MaDDen or M DUBBBBB Trip

 Final Fantasy  I

4 heros.....some faggy story about them being heroes of light... also some bad guy.....GRINDING

Review Scorezzz 8.5/10 Madden 2005s

Our Boyz on da HUSTLE!!

 Final Fantasy IV

 Some guy who was a cunt but then like changed and became a massive pussy  ...his bro is like one of the main villains.... final battle is like on the moon with this tough as cunnnttt..... McPussy has a really hot GF!!  

Review Scorezzz 10/10 M DUBBS

BRo way more boss When YOUZZ a Dark Night ROSA BE TRIPPIN for you to stop hustlin dem crystals!

McPussy Cecil brah you changed!!! You let tha pussy get to ya DAwg!

 Final Fantasy VI

Everyone dies several times.... theres like a jester....the jester has a really cool theme song

 Review Scorezzz  10/10M DUBBB 2s

Players GOT Max hustle!!

 Final Fantasy VII

Some blonde douchebag who is banging a hot hippie....she dies it’s sad everyone cries..Something about the planet fighting back

      Review Scorezzz 8.5/10 Black Ops

Cloud G move on playyaa heaps more hoes out there....like Tifa she well KEen HIT THAT SWEET MATERIA G!

Final Fantasy VIII

A whiny bitch complains cause hes like an orphan or something... he wont bang the two really hot chicks that are mad keen cus of feelings or sum shit!!

Squall G grow a pair SKULZZ a Beer and DestrOY like the T-REX in the garden!

 Final Fantasy IX

Theres like a kid...with some magical tree or sum shit I dont remember as I was playing NFL 2K and getting pleasured by multiuple honeys at the time...YOU KNOW IT BALLZ DEEP DAWG FISTPUMP!!!

Review Scorezzz 8.5/10 NFL 2Ks

OK compared to NFL 2K

 Final Fantasy X

Some guy who falls in love with some really hot hippie chick on a strange planet....turns out hes dead the whole time (HAHAHAHA WHAT A DUMB AZZ wHO DoesNT Know That THEYVE BEEN ICEEEDD).....WAKKKA BLITZBALLLLL!!!!!!

Review Scorezzz 10/10 Madden 2011s

Tidus BE trippen he wont get a smash  HE DEADDD!!

 Final Fantasy XI

Some MMORPG thingys all I know its no madden or COD so whyz botherz

Review Scorezzz ??/10

Final Fantasy XII

Some like weird battle system tries to go back to people in villages with no cars...works good

Review Scorezzz 8/10 Call of Duty 2s

Final Fantasy XIII

Like some god thing looks after everybody makes sure peoplez have power and food....people kill the god guy...another whinny bitch that has a real hot chick into him he don’t want to tap cause something about his mum being dead! What a faggot

Review Scorezzz 9/10 MDUBB 3s

OWWW LoOK AT me I DOnt Want TO touch some Fresh Vag cause ma old lady got iced  G GROW UP DRIVE A UTE And LISTEN TO WUB WUB

 

Game Music To Get you In The Mood........

       To date a Real Womenzzzz: Final Fantasy Battle Music

You know it’s coming DUNANANANA DUNA DUNANANANA from the bass! You start to get psyched its time to totally OWNZ THEZE MOFUCKAS!! In all seriousness the battle music from FF has always spurred me on to do great things. The way the music slowly builds up to a massive climax just as you are summoning, or doing an overdrive etc it gets me everytime. This to me is analogous to dating a women. See for the peoplez who have not had a date before bascially they work by you walking around in a large field/forrest waiting for a random encounter and as soon as women approaches the date/battle begins and from there you have a series of options.

1.)    Run (GOT AWAY SAFELY)

2.)    Attack (WHATS YOUR NAMEZZZZ!!)

3.)    Item (a ruffee)

Most of the time I end up picking option one…..

 But all joking aside I listened to all the FF battle music from IV, VI, IX, X, and XIII in a row before a date and it got me totally psyched…. It ended badly (as I was trying to summon Odin the whole date : P) but the main thing is I was motivated!!

 This was so hard to get down to 3!!!

Final Fantasy IV Battle Theme

Final Fantasy VI Battle Theme

Final Fantasy IX Battle Music

P.S and if you get to touch the women you can always play this

FF Win Music

 To Do Remedial Tasks (ie homework, housework )

  Streets of Rage 2 ( specifically go straight)

A great album from the amazing Yuzo Koshiro. Go straight is a plethora of simple hidden melodies fused with a great beat. You’ll be humming away for hours, Im pretty sure I could read an article in concrete internationals bi-monthly magazine while listening to streets of rage 2 and not even feel remotely bored…..OH wait I already have..

      Streets of Rage 2 " Go Straight"

To Push Oneself  Physically

 Ys Overworld Theme/ Mega Man 3 Dr. Willy levels or  Super Metroid escape music

This is a real niche JRPG and its likely not one of you have ever heard off it. But regardless of its small market the music is bloody amazing a mixture between 70s plump bass and screeching 80s Japanese guitars. If I was to ever become a massive juicehead I would have Ys music playing constantly in my gym.

  Now mega man 3 willys theme and metroids escape music have countless times just spontaneously made me start to run…run to where ever I am going I don’t care the way both of these songs just evolve just listen and youll understand.

   Ys Overworld Theme

Mega Man 3 Wlly Stages

Super Metroid Escape Music

To just Chill

Metroid prime (specifically chozo ruins and phendrana drifts)

Once again my natural bias towards to Metroid and Kenji Yamamoto slips in. The songs I have highlighted in particular are perfect for nice Sunday afternoon in the sun….. worry about Monday later. Pour yourself a nice drink and take in the atmosphere samus style.

Chozo Ruins

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNM8e6rKqg0

Phendrana Drifts

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRZVPHMPYLQ

 To Be All Thoughtful and Shit

There are so many songs in this category, in fact I have an entire playlist on my ePOD devoted to this stuff so I will just list a few of the pearlers

 To Zanarkand (FF10)

This song starts it all for me, a tragic romance cut short by the fact that (SPOILERS FOR A 11 YEAR OLD GAME) the main character and love interest (Tidus named Ben Dog for me : P ) has been DEAD the whole TIME!! Yes Yuna and Tidus were not meant to be. But to me it symbolizes all the promises of love and that no matter what happens, the bonds you form for someone you love is eternal, forever true, and the only thing in this universe that is truly eternal.

To Zanarkand

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-0G_FI61a8

To Far Away Times (Chrono Trigger)

Now no doubt the end song of chrono trigger had to make it on this list somewhere!!! This song has a real mongrel of feelings associated with it, part of it will always be sad as you are saying good bye to best friends some of which you will never see again. You can take that depressing route with this song that’s fine, however I have a completely different take on it. To Far Away Times to me will always symbolize the bond of friendship and trust you form with close friends, it stands as an auditory beacon that no matter where you or your friends end up (at the end of time or the day of lavos!)You will always have the memories and not even time cannot take that away from you.

To Far Away Times

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1qbVI9iTBU

BONUS

 Just some general everyday music (as we all know a game song a day keeps the girlys away : P)

Mighty Switch Force By Jake Kaufman

This album is available digitally for a fucken cent!!!! (you can pay more though and I highly suggest you do!) Please buy it and support Jake. Game music is seldom appreciated for all that it does and adds to our favourite hobby behind internets. This album is so good that I can play it to a particular flatmate of mine (who is a girl and therfore a casual!!! Jokes sorry my non existant female reader base) liked it and honestly didn’t mind me blasting it in the lounge! This is coming from someone who calls Mega Man 2 white noise GRRRRR!!!!!! NERD RAGE!!!

Im In Space Cuba (Mighty Switch Force OST)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anw6cFmR9hM

     

The Top Five Most Annoying Online People and ways of coping The Top Five Most Annoying Online People and ways of coping “

1.)  The Twelve/thirteen year old

Now don’t get me wrong I was twelve once and so I know what it feels like to all of a sudden have one minute pubic hair on my underdeveloped penis and think I’m now invincible! However when I was twelve there was no way I could share and discuss my ideas through a microphone on Xbox live! There was no way for me to yell phrases like “YA MUM” “Fuck You Im actually 16 ya faggot” or the classic “Just because you’re a fat nerd at home with no girlfriend!” Yes as you can see all of a sudden the scrawniest white ginger twelve year old, probably named Clarence is all of a sudden a bad ass because his mum buys him Xbox live. The good thing is intelligent and articulated gamers like you and me : P can rise above his hormones in ways that will punish him and make us feel slightly higher up the social chain than normal.

Solution One: Constantly Team kill him

This one works well….very well as the video below will demonstrate

(The greatest freakout STOP BETRAYING ME!!)

  

Solution Two: Report him to xbox live for his offensive language and have him banned for a few days (so you can enjoy Battlefield 3 the way it’s meant to be played using teamwork and co-ordination)

2.) The CUNT that plays music in the pre-game lobby

FUCKEN FUCK sorry this one really grinds my gears!!!!! Are you that much of a cock to think that everyone wants to hear your obnoxious crap drum and bass (rap/metal are just as bad). Just because you are a failed musician who works at some seedy inner city stereo store does not give you right to rape my ears with your garbage!!!

Solution One: A Party invite with a twist!!!

Invite the man to the party (ohh yeah PlayStation and Wii……ahh yeah I guess you could chat with him on Skype?) And then proceed to make the most annoying sound in the world through the microphone, so his ears understand what mine have just been through! Alternatively if he was listening to Rap you could pretend to be a local hood rat and threaten to roll by his pad! (Nobody says drive by anymore! That’s so 90s)

Solution Two: Unplug your microphone (but that would be too sensible : P)

3.) The Noobs

You know who I’m talking about he’s the guy that tries to disarm a bomb on search and destroy that YOU’VE JUST PLANTED!!!! Or he’s the guy that joins halfway through a game of left 4 dead and runs off by himself! You get the picture, and I understand that we were all noobs at one point, but seriously cant there be a place for these people to learn how to play before jumping in the deep end of actual live/PSN/ Nintendo Wi-Fi????

Solution: My first Online Experience playlist

You know when you have children and you get them there first tea set, pony or whatever. We could have a playlist called “my first deathmatch” it would be great they could sit there and no one would win, they would all sit around team killing each other and talk about kinects, moves and iCasuals or whatever noobs talk about.

4.) The Veteran (aka the guy who’s the top rank in every game)

 Now I know we all like to be the best in our respective games, and that’s fine within a close circle of friends it provides friendly and rewarding competition. However in every game there is always that one guy who lives in his mum’s basement that takes it way too far. He’s the guy that prestige’s in call of duty on the first day; he has Doritos encrusted with sperm stuck to his smelly sweaty shirt that his mum only gets to wash every six months. This man child is hard core and nothing is stopping him from achieving 1^st in the global leaderboards not even his compulsion to have hourly masturbation breaks on porn hub!

Solution: Steal Host

Stealing host can be an effective way of evening the odds giving him the dreaded red connection! Watch as his highly accurate DMR or sniper shots turn to sporadic fire while you can just casually spray machine gun fire and come out on top every time!

This final one is highly specific and is very personal to me so sorry if this one doesn’t make sense

5.) CUNTS WHO PICK ZANGIEF ON STREET FIGHTER IV AND SPAM LB (aka the double lariat)

There have been so many times I have lost on Street Fighter IV because some MORON FUCK STAIN figures out that all he needs to win is press LB with zangief! I know you must be thinking ohh stop whining it means your obviously need some practice, (and yeah I guess a little bit of practice never hurt anyone: P) but oh no once I re challenged a Zangief cunt to match without zangief and I continually raped him for about five fights before he quit!

The Top Five PlayStation Zingers

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